I'm betting the bad ones die harder. I fell off this weekend. It wasn't even that it was a holiday weekend for us; we don't really celebrate much here in my house; Thanksgiving and Christmas and that's usually it. But, July 4th is a special day to me; its my dad's birthday. He turned 56 on July 4th, and every year I am grateful to still have him around. He has been very sick for a while, now, and my sister and I feel like we are just waiting to lose him. He had a triple bypass when he was 39; about 6 years ago he pretty much dropped dead in a parking lot, was in a coma for two weeks, and the doctor's told me "don't expect him to wake up. If he does wake up, he will be brain damaged". Well, he woke up, and while his short term memory leaves something to be desired, he's still here, and he's still dad. 3 years later, he had a pacemaker/defibrillator implanted. Now, he gives us a scare about once a year or so; his latest was about 2 months ago, when he "forgot" (AKA, didn't like it) to take one of his meds. He quickly realized that just because he felt good, doesn't mean he can stop taking his meds.
Anyway, we took him out to eat for his birthday. I wanted to enjoy myself, so I slipped off the ED a bit. But it was rather... unfullfilling. Very strange; do you know how you look forward to something you can't have for a long time, and then you finally get it, and its no where near as good as your memory told you it was? Yeah, that was it, pretty much. But it was like, I couldn't believe that it just wasn't that good, so I kept trying. Uggh, I hate myself for falling off, and I hate myself even more for staying off.
So, I've pretty much stagnated for the last few days. I'm confessing now to show that I am a real person, completely human, and I mess up. I admit it; I mess up. BUT, though I may be down, I am not out. I do not intend on saying "oh well, might as well keep on screwing up". That's sillyness. Monday morning, I was back on my ED diet, and quickly lost the excess I had piled back on over the weekend. So, I start now, today, back at my "lowest" point on the scale; 182. There is no looking back with regrets; I take what I did as a learning experience; as much as it is in my memory that bread is so yummy, and chocolate is heaven, this has taught me that it is not the end of the world to be without it. I can and will survive; and also, its not the end of the world to indulge a bit. As long as you don't go on a full out gorge-fest, and then continue to "hate" yourself with food afterwards. I look forward to the next two weeks on Dax Moy's 30 in 30 plan; I'm very disappointed that I couldn't stay on it for the full 30 days, but I wanted this to be an open and honest evaluation, and I know this may prevent me from reaching my full potential on this program.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Day 9
Day nine of London's personal trainer Dax Moy's 30lbs in 30 days program. I'm still just blahhh feeling. I'm hungry, listless, no energy feeling. I'm dyeing with the cravings, seriously trying not to give in for some chocolate.
I woke up this morning, so excited that I could finally have fruit, I totally forgot to weigh myself. When I remembered that I hadn't weighed myself, after I had my fruit and yogurt, I was 184, so maybe the number was something good lol. We'll check tomorrow.
Still dragging around, hopeing for something to pull me out of this funk.
I woke up this morning, so excited that I could finally have fruit, I totally forgot to weigh myself. When I remembered that I hadn't weighed myself, after I had my fruit and yogurt, I was 184, so maybe the number was something good lol. We'll check tomorrow.
Still dragging around, hopeing for something to pull me out of this funk.
Day 8
Day eight of London's personal trainer Dax Moy's 30lbs in 30 days program. Still sluggish. My red-lady friend showed up this morning. She is really killing me with the temptation of all things chocolate. I'm seriously doing everything I can to NOT give in; I cannot wait until tomorrow with the promise of fruit; hopefully that will help stave her off a bit.
Weight 183.5
B: eggs with veggies
L: tuna with salad
D: steak with asparagus
snacked mostly on nuts and seeds. I find myself still weak, and somewhat hungry
Weight 183.5
B: eggs with veggies
L: tuna with salad
D: steak with asparagus
snacked mostly on nuts and seeds. I find myself still weak, and somewhat hungry
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Day 7
Day seven of London's personal trainer Dax Moy's 30lbs in 30 days program. Today is the day for change in the workout.
I woke up this morning feeling run down, tired, worn out. I was all shaky feeling, like I had gone too long without eating. I ate as soon as I could, but I couldn't make the feeling go away. It seriously made it very difficult to get anything done today; anything NORMAL, much less anything workout related.
I'm due to start any day now, I'm surprised i'm stil reflecting weight loss at this point. Prior experiece tells me that I retain about 5 lbs right before I start, and that usually goes away as soon as I do start. But, I'm also craving stuff I can't have, and seriously had to reevaluate my position here. I almost gave up; I almost messed up, over a few stupid hormones. I'm proud to say that I made it through; mostly because of my experience in the past with this part of my monthly routine, and also because I'm being "watched"; if I were doing this diet and exercise alone, and had lesser accountability, I totally would have fallen off today. I did not want to disapoint anyone; Dax, anyone following my blog, and most of all, myself at the end of the 30 days.
Another little tidbit I learned today; something I've been struggling with all week that I sort of imposed unknowingly onto myself; salt wasn't on the list of things to cut out. So I've struggled all week with getting used to foods with no salt, where I could have had salt. Thank goodness, cause I seriously was missing it. On the plus side of that, I need less salt now, lol.
Weight 184.5 (down 0.5 lb)
B:
eggs and pork chop and green beans
L:
salmon and spinach
D:
turkey taco salad
Workouts:
1.
Because of the aforementioned side effects of today, I didn't make it all the way through one side.
2.
Densities :
pushup 18
squat 25
shoulder press 16
SB lunge 12
spiderman 18
ST lunge 9
curl and press 15
squat 20
3. Not really loving this one today, unfortunately.
I woke up this morning feeling run down, tired, worn out. I was all shaky feeling, like I had gone too long without eating. I ate as soon as I could, but I couldn't make the feeling go away. It seriously made it very difficult to get anything done today; anything NORMAL, much less anything workout related.
I'm due to start any day now, I'm surprised i'm stil reflecting weight loss at this point. Prior experiece tells me that I retain about 5 lbs right before I start, and that usually goes away as soon as I do start. But, I'm also craving stuff I can't have, and seriously had to reevaluate my position here. I almost gave up; I almost messed up, over a few stupid hormones. I'm proud to say that I made it through; mostly because of my experience in the past with this part of my monthly routine, and also because I'm being "watched"; if I were doing this diet and exercise alone, and had lesser accountability, I totally would have fallen off today. I did not want to disapoint anyone; Dax, anyone following my blog, and most of all, myself at the end of the 30 days.
Another little tidbit I learned today; something I've been struggling with all week that I sort of imposed unknowingly onto myself; salt wasn't on the list of things to cut out. So I've struggled all week with getting used to foods with no salt, where I could have had salt. Thank goodness, cause I seriously was missing it. On the plus side of that, I need less salt now, lol.
Weight 184.5 (down 0.5 lb)
B:
eggs and pork chop and green beans
L:
salmon and spinach
D:
turkey taco salad
Workouts:
1.
Because of the aforementioned side effects of today, I didn't make it all the way through one side.
2.
Densities :
pushup 18
squat 25
shoulder press 16
SB lunge 12
spiderman 18
ST lunge 9
curl and press 15
squat 20
3. Not really loving this one today, unfortunately.
Day 6
Day six of London's personal trainer Dax Moy's 30lbs in 30 days program. Still playing catchup on the posting. Today is the diet change day; I'm not really worried, I feel as if I've done great with the diet so far, and the changes to it reflect the diet I was on previously (when I lost 30 lbs).
Weight 185 (first day of no change, looks like diet change came at good time)
B:
Eggs and veggies
L: "taco salad" (ground turkey breast browned with seasonings, on a bed of salad greens with avacado and yougurt)
D: steak, salad, and asparagus
Workouts:
1.
Densities :
pushup 24
squat 35
shoulder press 26
SB lunge 20
spiderman 23
ST lunge 15
curl and press 21
squat 32
2.
2.35, 2.41, 2.45
3. :D
Weight 185 (first day of no change, looks like diet change came at good time)
B:
Eggs and veggies
L: "taco salad" (ground turkey breast browned with seasonings, on a bed of salad greens with avacado and yougurt)
D: steak, salad, and asparagus
Workouts:
1.
Densities :
pushup 24
squat 35
shoulder press 26
SB lunge 20
spiderman 23
ST lunge 15
curl and press 21
squat 32
2.
2.35, 2.41, 2.45
3. :D
Day 5
Day five of London's personal trainer Dax Moy's 30lbs in 30 days program. Still playing catch up with the posts; but I have a confession to make; we went out to eat today (for dinner) it was a last minute, oh no, nothing is ready for dinner, DH is off from work for 2 days, lets just go out. I did my best, ordered off of the guiltless grill menu, and I'm pretty ok with my choices. I think it was a bit salty, lol, more on that later.
Weight 185 (down 0.5 lb)
B: eggs and bacon
L: tuna and salad (this is wild caught, organice yellowfin tuna, not canned tuna)
D: salmon, rice, and broccoli (this was eat out)
I do snack in between, mostly nuts and fruit, sometimes I mix my fruit up in the yogurt and eat/drink that.
Workout1:
Densities :
pushup 26
squat 32
shoulder press 24
SB lunge 18
spiderman 18
ST lunge 12
curl and press 18
squat 28
Yes, my numbers are worse than yesterday. Did I mention I was sore??
2:
2.35, 2.39, 2.45
3. Yep, still loving
Weight 185 (down 0.5 lb)
B: eggs and bacon
L: tuna and salad (this is wild caught, organice yellowfin tuna, not canned tuna)
D: salmon, rice, and broccoli (this was eat out)
I do snack in between, mostly nuts and fruit, sometimes I mix my fruit up in the yogurt and eat/drink that.
Workout1:
Densities :
pushup 26
squat 32
shoulder press 24
SB lunge 18
spiderman 18
ST lunge 12
curl and press 18
squat 28
Yes, my numbers are worse than yesterday. Did I mention I was sore??
2:
2.35, 2.39, 2.45
3. Yep, still loving
Day 4
Day four of London's personal trainer Dax Moy's 30lbs in 30 days program. I'm trying to think of something clever to post, trying to remember this day; but quite honestly, I'm a bit behind on my posting, and my tired brain can't even workout which day WAS day 4; good thing I wrote everything down.
Weight 185.5 (down 0.5 lb)
B:
Eggs and bacon
L: turkey breast, asparagus, and potatoes
D: Coconut chicken, broccoli, rice
Workouts:
1.
Densities :
pushup 26
squat 33
shoulder press 24
SB lunge 16
spiderman 22
ST lunge 13
curl and press 19
squat 29
2.
2.51, 2.59, 3.01
3. I'm seriously loving this one; Dax, thanks for this. I'm a yoga girl at heart; I was almost hoping for a day off this week so I could "treat" myself; I don't think I could do yoga on top of all this though lol
Weight 185.5 (down 0.5 lb)
B:
Eggs and bacon
L: turkey breast, asparagus, and potatoes
D: Coconut chicken, broccoli, rice
Workouts:
1.
Densities :
pushup 26
squat 33
shoulder press 24
SB lunge 16
spiderman 22
ST lunge 13
curl and press 19
squat 29
2.
2.51, 2.59, 3.01
3. I'm seriously loving this one; Dax, thanks for this. I'm a yoga girl at heart; I was almost hoping for a day off this week so I could "treat" myself; I don't think I could do yoga on top of all this though lol
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